my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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