summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
