i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
