maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
