i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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