I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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