i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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