She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
should my penis look like a turkey
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
