You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
