Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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