its not stalking. its research.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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