I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
