A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
