I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
