it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
