at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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