On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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