i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
