I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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