Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
