I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
