I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
