I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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