my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
