she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
