I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
