there's paper in my vomit.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
