I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize