I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Let's paint friendship bongs
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
