she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
