idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
