Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
