It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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