she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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