I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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