come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
