Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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