there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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