i wish my penis had a tongue
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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