So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
