She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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