you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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