Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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