DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
