Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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