It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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