i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
