we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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