his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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