i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
