I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
