Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
