I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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