Dual....:-)
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
