I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
