The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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