Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
