is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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