I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize