you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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