matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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