maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
