Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize