I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We don't watch enough power rangers
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
