worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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