I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
